His time...
If someone was to tell you they were ready to die, what would you say? What if that person was 101 years old and so tired there bones ached for eternal sleep.
This morning I waked into his room, the T.V. volume at 48 ear popping loud, him staring at the TV with glasses on that were so dirty I don't know how he saw anything at all.
I made my presence known with a smile and wave, he smiled and waved me in the room further.
Imagine how fragile someone at 101 would look, that is Mr. P. his body as thin and frail as someone who has been around for a century.
He sits in an old lounger with an equally old hand knit afghan draped across his bones. He is a stylish man at 101, he is always dressed proper and is never with out his leather slip on's. He is Harvard educated, flew his way through a career in the airline industry and now his mind drifts to his own personal wings.
I was on my knees at the side of his chair asking about his morning, the weather change and anything else he wanted to discuss. Mr. P grabbed my hand with both of his and his face started to wrinkle with emotion. All I could do was ask... "are you ok?"
Mr. P's eyes meet mine and we both could see sadness welling in each other, he muttered the words "I just want to go, my time is done I'm so tired of being here. It is time for it to over, for the lord to take me and the world to miss me."
What could I say to him, it isn't my place to say something about cheering up, that he shouldn't feel that way or that its not his time. This man is about to be 102 in December, he has seen a century of life, lived, loved, raised his family and now just wants to find eternal sleep.
Mr. P and I just held hands for a while and talked, he told me he loved me and although I know its not true it still made my face wrinkle with emotion.
Over the next few weeks I will check in on Mr. P just to make sure he has support for how he feels, because it isn't wrong and he shouldn't be made to feel otherwise. He may hold on for 102.. It happens milestones/dates/anniversaries matter because no matter what our time is ours to give and let go no matter what.
I cleaned his glasses and told him that I would see him again...
#death
#dying
#grief
This morning I waked into his room, the T.V. volume at 48 ear popping loud, him staring at the TV with glasses on that were so dirty I don't know how he saw anything at all.
I made my presence known with a smile and wave, he smiled and waved me in the room further.
Imagine how fragile someone at 101 would look, that is Mr. P. his body as thin and frail as someone who has been around for a century.
He sits in an old lounger with an equally old hand knit afghan draped across his bones. He is a stylish man at 101, he is always dressed proper and is never with out his leather slip on's. He is Harvard educated, flew his way through a career in the airline industry and now his mind drifts to his own personal wings.
I was on my knees at the side of his chair asking about his morning, the weather change and anything else he wanted to discuss. Mr. P grabbed my hand with both of his and his face started to wrinkle with emotion. All I could do was ask... "are you ok?"
Mr. P's eyes meet mine and we both could see sadness welling in each other, he muttered the words "I just want to go, my time is done I'm so tired of being here. It is time for it to over, for the lord to take me and the world to miss me."
What could I say to him, it isn't my place to say something about cheering up, that he shouldn't feel that way or that its not his time. This man is about to be 102 in December, he has seen a century of life, lived, loved, raised his family and now just wants to find eternal sleep.
Mr. P and I just held hands for a while and talked, he told me he loved me and although I know its not true it still made my face wrinkle with emotion.
Over the next few weeks I will check in on Mr. P just to make sure he has support for how he feels, because it isn't wrong and he shouldn't be made to feel otherwise. He may hold on for 102.. It happens milestones/dates/anniversaries matter because no matter what our time is ours to give and let go no matter what.
I cleaned his glasses and told him that I would see him again...
#death
#dying
#grief
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